Want your kids to be successful? Help them to be kind.
Kindness is a value that most parents say they want for their children. In a recent parents.com article, kindness was the top ranked quality they hoped to instil in their children, ranking it higher than intelligence or a strong work ethic.
But kindness and empathy appear to be on the decline. What is causing the disconnect from what parents say they want to do and what actually happens?
It’s not that we’re lying as parents, it’s that as a culture we show that we value success and achievement more than kindness. Individual achievement is praised from early grades in elementary school to money, power and influence as adults.
But it’s not that it’s either be kind or be successful it needs to be understood that being KIND leads to success. Research shows that caring children are actually more successful in life in the future. And there’s even a book someone wrote How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes that came to the same scientific conclusion.
So as parents, we must show our kids that we value and appreciate kindness. We can’t force anyone to be kind nor do we want to make it feel like it’s a chore or a box to check. The challenge is how to show that we really do value and appreciate it and not just the end result of being the “best”.
A few ideas to get started:
Ask questions to show you care about kindness. For example every day after school ask, “Were you a good friend today?” Or “Was someone a good friend to you?”
Show them it is valued by role modelling at home - get them involved in what you do to help others or talk about how you help or wished you helped more.
Read books (or have them read) that show characters who are kind, helpful and caring.
Make it easy for them- for example, prepare a list of ideas for random acts of kindness.
Little kids love to be helpful, let’s nurture that instinct and remind the older ones and ourselves the benefits of being kind. As parents, we also have to stop ourselves from focusing solely on achievement eg- being the best athlete, smartest kid or most popular.
We must know that we can’t get it right every day. But we can try our best to get it right most days. We can become more aware of what we’re doing subconsciously (asking who scored the goals, who won the race, how good of grades did they get) and provide them with the tools they need to be caring members of the community. That’s one of the reasons why I created this kids journal as one of my new products with Doodle Paw Press.
Rooted in positive psychology principles, this guided journal reinforces kindness, community and emotional literacy. It provides kids with easy ways to be kind and to be grateful in return. You can preview the journal on my website here.
Bonus there’s a matching journal for the adult!